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Freefall 0961 - 0970

Freefall 0961

Sam takes the watch

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Helix, you don't hit me when I steal from Florence, you hit me when I convince you it's all right. I did that by saying the food would get cold.
So if I want to eat in peace, Helix, it was wrong for me to take Florence's breakfast. Bad Sam! Bad!
It worked! My subroutine stopped. I don't have to hit you any more.
You're still eating her food. May I hit you anyway?
No.
Please?
No.
I already have the stick.
No.

Sam takes the watch

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Watch the computer ready a satellite. Few seconds of thrust. Repeat.
Jobs in space shouldn't be boring! We need to be fighting space pirates or something!
Too bad there aren't any.
No space pirates… Helix, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Oh! This will be fun! Which one should I make my peg leg?

Sam takes the watch

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There's our career path! We can be space pirates!
Every day will be “Talk Like A Pirate” day!
We've been so busy repairing the ship, we never thought about what comes after.
We can get a parrot!
This must be what Florence was talking about for meeting expectations.
Though something tells me she won't be expecting this.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Sam takes the watch

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This will be easy. Humans don't arm their ships. We could take one over with a pea shooter.
I don't have a mouth, so I'll use a slingshot.
That's a figure of speech. When we actually board a ship, you'll have a…
Pow! Pow! Take that, randomly placed barrel of high explosives! Pow! Pow! Pow!
We'll get you a slingshot.

Sam takes the watch

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RIAA! RIAA!
You have it backwards. AAIR! If we go in shouting RIAA, everyone will erase their hard drives.
Will we have swords?
Of course! When people see us waving sharp objects around while wearing vacuum suits, they'll know we're dangerous.
All we need now is our secret pirate asteroid base.
Let's put it in orbit. That way, it's legal for us to get to and we won't have to commute far to work.

RIAA – Recording Industry Association of America

Sam takes the watch

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Ship, how do you feel about us becoming pirates?
Your proposed course of action should result in my being manned by an acceptable captain far sooner than I expected.
The ship's with us! If we can get Florence on board, it will be unanimous!
Local law enforcement agencies now on speed dial.

Sam takes the watch

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We need to be careful with Florence. She's not very flexible about legal matters.
Well, we can't do this without her.
Real pirates have parrots, and she's the only one with shoulders for it to sit on.
I KNOW! WE WON'T TELL HER!
IT'S FOOLPROOF!
Now, now, Helix. We've shown time and again there's no such thing as a foolproof plan.

Sam takes the watch

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For our secret pirate base, we can put the laser cannons here, here, and here.
And we'll put the doorbell here, so we'll know when people come to visit.
Captain, satellite eighteen has been deployed. Your watch is complete. Helix is now on watch.
Whew! Glad that's over with. Can you imagine having to work this hard five days a week?

Sam takes the watch

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Nuts. My moving around stick is in my cabin. How am I supposed to get there? There are no control panels to kick off from like in the cockpit.
In case of emergency
Spider Sam, spider Sam! Solves every problem, duct tape can! Shiny side in, sticky side out. Allowing me to move about. Look out! Here comes the spider Sam!

Space Walkies!

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I've got my stick and it's forty minutes until the next satellite launch.
Plenty of time to grab lunch and find a good hiding spot before Florence wakes up and expects me to work.
There's nothing like microgravity when you want to quietly stalk somebody.
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